Reflection

To say that I'm glad it's 2018 would be an understatement. 2017 was one of my most challenging, testing years I've had thus far. It was a wonderful year, don't get me wrong, but I experienced many things that I never anticipated ever happening to me and the promise of a new, fresh year is just the reassurance I need right now.

I haven't written a post like this in quite some time. This blog has been primarily travel and military related for the last couple years. However, sometimes I just need to vent, and this blog was my primary intended outlet for that.

The past couple years have seemed to be a whirlwind. When Daniel and I celebrated our fifth anniversary this past December, we couldn't believe how fast time had flown by. Spending almost half of 2017 away from him for training didn't help that either, but we were able to work through that just fine.

It's the moments in 2017 that I didn't blog about that made the biggest difference. I'm inclined to say that this last year tested my faith in God—though looking back, it actually only made it stronger. I would not have made it through 2017 without God's grace, his forgiveness, his protection, and his help to move forward after some disheartening and paralyzing points in time.

I could have chosen to not journal about this, to pretend like none of it happened and to go on with a smile on my face, exhibiting the upbeat, fun-loving personality most people know to expect from me. But this—the last year—it just held some times that while painful, I don't want to forget. I experienced some of my happiest moments of my life in 2017. I also experienced some of the most crushing. Times like this help make me who I am, and while I'm not going into detail, 2017 changed my life.

It's easy to move past the things that are hard to talk about, the things that make you cry when you least expect it, the things that only you and a handful of people know. Those things, like secrets, can be so easily forgotten if you allow yourself to erase them from your life's pages. But though some of those memories bring tears to my eyes and make me want to just sit on the couch and cry in desperation, they're now part of me, and forgetting them doesn't help. Rejoicing in God's good grace and the blessings he has provided does.

In 2017, I moved past something that has had a suffocating grasp on me for years. I achieved a full-time job with the Idaho Air National Guard, my current dream job. I dedicated myself to being a better, more supportive wife than I'd ever been. I took a trip to Hawai'i that I'd been dreaming about for five years. I finished my first graduate class in pursuit of a Masters in Management with an emphasis in Organizational Leadership. All that to say... I also made poor decisions. I had to give up (temporarily, I hope) my favorite hobby—running—due to injuries that won't heal and require extensive surgery to repair. I experienced a heartache that I never even knew was possible. And now, looking back, I am just so grateful that I am where I am today, and that I'm able to face each new day with a positive outlook and hopes for the future.

Yes, this is vague. It's supposed to be. This post is for me, a placeholder, to remind myself that I'm stronger than the world around me because God and the love from those closest to me makes me brave, fierce, and a fighter. If I crumbled under the pressure and sadness I experienced, I would not be able to be where I am today, or be able to pursue the purpose for why I'm here in the first place—to which I'm still attempting to learn along the way.