Sometimes, I just get fed up with it all. "It" being the competition, the desire for perfection, the living in—or faking—a completely disjointed reality. Real life is so much better than that.
I read a great post yesterday by a friend who said she occasionally takes complete breaks from social networking because of feelings of jealousy. Her post made me think. It made me look at the things I spend my some of my free time doing—reading blogs, scanning Instagram, checking in on Facebook and Twitter. And sometimes, just like she does, I take significant breaks from checking in or reading any of that—because it just gets overwhelming.
These days, it seems like everyone has a house that is decorated as fit for Pinterest. I feel like when I see home tours that I'm looking at some intricate model home that doesn't even look cozy to me. It looks so... void of warmth. Maybe I'm different because I want over-sized blankets that don't always have to be in the right spot, or I want a giant comfy couch that might not be so pretty in pictures. I don't care about the pictures. I just want a cozy house.
These days, it seems like everyone is a fashion blogger. Sure, I have my fair share of "style" posts... but I don't pretend like I'm a model... I'm just me and you get to see what I wear occasionally. In a way, it seems like blogging has turned into a way for girls to be that model that they always wanted to be. And that's pretty neat... someone who may not have been signed by Wilhelmina sure may turn heads in the blogging world. But honestly, it's just a little much sometimes.
These days, it seems like everything is about perfection. About being Pinterest-perfect. About what looks good. About what will become the most viral, most viewed, or most cried over (all the YouTube/flash mob wedding proposals, anyone?). But it's not real. I suppose this rant is to say that if you do find yourself comparing yourself to something you see in photos or writing, stop it right this minute. I promise you—after the photos are taken—that the cat hair and dust begins to accumulate, that the clothes get piled up on the floor in the closet, and that the perfect outfit is usually taken right off and replaced by jeans and flats. Life is different for each single person, so please—please—give yourself credit and know that your life is beautiful even if it hasn't gone viral. And I promise you, the real lives don't look like Pinterest.
63 comments:
Wonderfully said! It's funny, a quick picture I took of my tree when we finished decorating is becoming one of my most repinned images on Pinterest. It made me so happy that something that wasn't perfect, wasn't staged, was something people wanted to see.
You are wonderful. :) I could give you a giant hug right now for posting this!
Amen Sister!
I don't Pinterest... I hear it is very addictive... even though I was told it would help a great deal with wedding planning.
I agree with you, I don't want a life that is LIKED or SHARED by a million people... I just want the people in my life to LIKE it... love it... and SHARE our experiences with all those we actually MEET.
I want a real life, with some clutter and mess (when company isn't around)... comfy blankets and a fair amount of cat hair... gosh they shed so much!
Great post! I am who I am and what makes me happy isn't always what makes others happy, which is why your post makes so much since to me. I am a fashion blogger, but I do it for me. I don't try to be a model, I post picture's that aren't always flattering, but I am a real person and real people don't always look perfect!
Sometimes Pinterest is annoying with the perfect house pics, I doubt anyone would like my house but me. I have mix-matched throws all over the place; but then I have animals who don't want to stay off the furniture and it's so much easier when company comes to grab up the throws and put them in the dryer for de-furring and fluffing.
Anyhow, thanks for this very real post!
xo, Lee
I'm having a hard time with this while planning my wedding. I want it to be fun and beautiful and US. But then I get on Pinterest and suddenly I want it to be "pinteresting." UGH. So stupid. I know most of that stuff isn't what I want. But suddenly I'm all, "OMG I need to do this!"
I really should just stop going on there till after the wedding.
Yes! Perfectly said!
Agreed. I'm totally with you on the cozy couch/blanket/house situation, rather than something that's "fashionable" or sparkling clean. And you're right - things aren't always as they appear - things aren't ALWAYS picture perfect. But we sure are led to believe that. Which is sad really...
I feel like this post was written just for me, even though, obviously, it couldn't have been. I'm guilty of thinking certain bloggers/pinners have perfect lives, perfect husbands, perfect everything and find myself comparing everything in my life to theirs. I couldn't even begin to tell you how many times these ideas of perfect have left me feeling inadequate. (As if my self-esteem wasn't low enough to begin with!) I don't always comment on your blog, but I read it regularly. You're such an inspiration to me with your honesty, your warmth and your kindness. Thanks for always, as they say, keeping it real. :)
This is such a great post. I definitely agree with you! We compare ourselves way too much to others and to models and pictures or perfectly lit and decorated houses. That's not reality. I forget that all the time and it's important to be reminded every once in a while. Thanks for writing yet another honest and kind post. :)
I totally wrote something like this back in June or July. I stop looking at media and some bloggers to when I get really jelly too. OR when I feel they are all fake, liars. That's not how they "suddenly" woke up like or they didn't just "throw" that outfit on. That's why I am scared about posting my outfit pictures because I feel like I am joining in that world of fake non real bloggers. During this month I have been really thinking about where and how I want my blog to go. I have figured out a few things but there is still more that I am working on figuring out. Anyways, GREAT POST! Seriously the perfect advice for all.
so true! I sometimes get discouraged with blogging since my house/clothes/food/photos aren't as perfect looking as stuff on other blogs. but it's exhausting trying to keep up so I just try to do the best for myself that I can! it's better to live a happy life than one that just looks perfect, right?
-- jackie @ jade and oak
I completely understand that many of us, including myself, tend to keep much of our personal lives to ourselves, and I don't fault anyone for that (again, I keep a lot to myself as well). But there is a time that we do need to take a step back and focus on the "real" aspects of life. And OMG I was just thinking the EXACT same thing about there being an abundance of "fashion" bloggers the other day. I consider myself a beauty blogger who occasionally does outfit posts, but I do think the internet is getting saturated with those who take it really seriously. I don't mean to talk negatively about it, but sometimes it just gets a little overwhelming to me.
I totally get where you are coming from on this. This desire to be popular, liked, well perceived and top blogger is just a little bit too much for me at times. Social media and blogging has opened our eyes to lives we would not know a thing about otherwise and it's hard not to find yourself comparing. We just have to re focus and remember that none of that stuff matters.
Love this, Aunie! I'm sure you've seen the quote about not comparing your "behind the scenes" to someone's "highlight reel"... it's so true. People are presenting their highlights, not real life. But it makes us feel like our real life isn't good enough. Comparing ourselves to others can be so dangerous... thanks for the reminder!
I think that's the best part about it. They appreciate something that's REAL. For the record, I love your Christmas tree. It looks like it took many years to come up with all the fun pieces that decorate it!
Thanks Alexis :) I'll give you a big hug right back.
You know, I debate deleting Pinterest all the time. I typically only use it for recipes anymore... and only sparingly! I actually got a Pinterest because my guest-blogging contract with Yes To required that I have it ;)
And as for the cats... no kidding! That (and allergies) are why we don't have any!
You're very welcome, Lee. I just feel like Pinterest is so staged sometimes. Like with recipes... if you say add salt to taste, we don't need to see a photo of someone shaking the salt on, you know? Or if you're showing a living room, there doesn't need to be a perfect glass of wine and cheese/crackers sitting out. Let us just see your living room! LOL__ we are on our soapboxes today :)
:) Don't feel bad for doing it though. You just want it to be pretty, right? Our wedding ended up being very simple... and it worked just fine. Remember--no one really cares what the decor looks like. They just care what YOU and your husband look like :)
I myself feel guilty for sometimes portraying that picture, too. You know? I just showed photos of our living room, and while I didn't put anything extra in or stage it in any way, I sure did make sure it was clean. But sometimes it's just extreme and I suppose it's a blessing and a curse that we only see the little bit that the bloggers want to share.
Nicole, I really, really appreciate this. Don't feel bad about not commenting often. I'm a silent reader, too, and typically only comment if I feel very moved to do so.
I have had these feelings you're describing so many times. It really makes me feel down on myself. But then I suppose I have to remember what is important to me. And so many things that come along with blogging (receiving fancy things, taking perfect photos, being invited to big events) just aren't on my top priority list. Especially now with this Air Force thing going on. I just feel like my whole outlook is changing. And darnit if it isn't refreshing :)
I just want to say thank you for being there and reading. Whether you comment or not, I appreciate you. You are awesome, and I promise, it's not EVER perfect behind the scenes. Especially not mine! :)
You know, you posted about this last week, right? Or was it the week before? I can't remember but I know you mentioned comparing yourself to others, and since then I've seen several posts about people feeling down about their own blogs. I still get that way sometimes... so that's why I wrote about it. Sometimes writing it out is what helps make all the difference :) Thinking of you today and sending uplifting thoughts!
Well said. I love pinterest but sometimes it's hard. I can't keep my bedroom clean for a day, let alone a house. Sometimes it's hard to take the comparison, but even harder not to compare.
Hi Cody :) I think I also wrote about this over the summer... it was just something I was thinking a lot about. I used to do style photos of myself often, but then began backing off when I realized I didn't enjoy them as much as I enjoyed the open and honest posts. I think when you're figuring out what direction you want your blog to go in, think about what is important to you, what you're comfortable doing, and what you want to be known for. Me, personally, I didn't want to be a "style" or fashion blogger. I wanted my blog to be like my personal journal, and if I'm ever writing to my diary, I'm never going to write what I'm wearing that day :) Anyway... when you figure out where you're going, you'll know. You'll love it.
Thank you for this! I agree entirely as I also get overwhelmed with the picture perfect "lives" that exist on the internet. You are sooo accurate when talking about home tours feeling "void of warmth". When blogs I follow feature home tours I usually don't even scroll through the post, because while it may look cute and whimsical it feels unreal and not a place I would want to live. Glad to know someone else out there gets it!
100% I totally agree with you! And you're right... it's exHAUSTING. So exhausting. You sound like you're right on the right track!
Thank you! I've not only took a step back from blogging, but from social media also. There's so many good and positive things that come out of it, but it can also become overwhelming and exhausting. I've actually enjoyed my break and I'm not sure I will even return to blogging. Still enjoy reading post though, especially inspiring and honest ones like this!
This is so true!
xx
Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes
I totally agree! Thank you so much for this post Aunie!! I actually deleted my facebook account a few years ago because I was spending way to much time on there and comparing myself to people. It was bringing me down and once I deleted facebook it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. 3 years later and I haven't once regretted deleting my account nor do I miss facebook.
Awesome Aunie, love this!
I get overwhelmed just trying to keep up my blog posts. This week, I haven't posted since Monday. I need to get caught up on my Christmas projects and reality of priority. I don't know how some of these girls do it. Especially jointing all the link-ups! I've made myself crazy over them. I guess it's good for those that want to make money. I've met some great gals while doing this, I just can't keep up with them. My Facebook is also getting boring for me. Go figure, technology getting boring!
Not to mention...thinking your gift needs to be better than the others or cost more. What silliness. I've gone back to the simple gift giving. Some of my fondest memories of gifts was a large peppermint from my uncle. I didn't expect anything,I knew he wasn't able. My heart goes into my gifts not my wallet. I wish the whole world was like that.
thanks for this amazing post. i'm with you - struggling against it all myself!
kw, ladies in navy
Well said! I am just coming into the reality of letting certain things go. It is nearly impossible to keep my house spotless, even with all the organizational tips I found on Pinterest!
This is such a great post Aunie & totally true!
Danielle at Framed Frosting
I couldn't agree more . Your post is so realistic !!!
Yes! Everything you said is so true Aunie.
Just so you know, my life will never look like Pinterest. I'm too disorganized for that :P
Happy Holidays!
xo
Eesh | The Other Side of Paradise
And in my opinion, who would want a life that looked like Pinterest? I've always been convinced that real life is far more interesting that picture-perfect fake life...although of course I love having a few picture-perfect moments scattered throughout! And hey--you earned yourself a mention on my "random blog awards" post today!
Great HONEST post, Aunie. So very true.
It's OK! I don't see your comment as negative at all. I also agree there seems to be a huge abundance of fashion bloggers. I don't mind it so much (I typically just read personal blogs, so it doesn't affect me)... but I just wonder how long it will last, you know?
Yes, you're right! And we need to re-focus and remember what ignited our love for blogging in the first place! :)
You're so welcome, Laura :) And yes, I have heard that quote. I wrote another post about it earlier this spring because I loved it so much... what a great reminder!
Why is it so hard? I think it's basic human nature. Humans are silly! :)
Whimsical! That's the perfect word for it! When I see the geometric shapes on the walls, the mirrors everywhere, the antlers and such I just don't picture it for myself. It all looks like a magazine to me. And personally, when I sit on a couch, I want it to be cushy! Not a modern little thing :) ha!
Thanks Lisa! You're not the only one I've heard that from. It seems to be what a lot of people feel. They love blogging while they do it, but when they finally take a step back, it's so liberating. I'm sure I'll get there, too, someday! :)
That's so awesome! I feel like we all have reasons we keep it, like "But it helps me connect with family!" or "all my friends are on there," but in the end, if it's right for you, then there should be no one else telling you otherwise. You go Lissy... good for you! :)
Ha! Trust me, Wendy, it's all good. Good for you for living your life and doing what you want to do. I'm proud of you! And I know what you mean with the link-ups. I used to do one every Thursday and it finally got to the point where I just didn't want to do it anymore. It was so great to be done with it :)
I agree with you! This has been on my mind so much lately. Christmas has EXPLODED into this huge gift-giving holiday. It feels so non-important and special to me anymore... I feel like a Grinch because I just want to go back to the love that used to be shared and given with it... not the gifts. Thanks for bringing this up!
I agree! I keep trying to make my house this neat and tidy place 24/7 and finally I'm starting to realize that if it's not in its exact right spot, I'm not going to die. It's so liberating to realize it!
Here's to being disorganized & beautiful! Love ya, Eesh!
You're wonderful. I also agree with you, there's so much spice in life... why would we want to look like everyone else? Thanks for bringing that fun perspective... and for featuring me!
Have you heard about the Perfect365 app? Basically you can give yourself a nose job, change the color of your eyes etc. Whatever it takes to make yourself look perfect. It's sick and it's definitely gone too far. I wrote a post on really being real and I agree completely. My true self is a lot more likeable than my public persona.
Shannon
www.brasshoney.blogspot.com
Oh wow. You know, it's one thing to have a makeover app, where you can try or different hair colors and try on different makeup looks, but it's a whole different thing to try in plastic surgery. That's crazy. I'm heading to your blog to read it now!
/ / Annelise Rowe
www.auniesauce.com
Ah the stenciled shapes and antlers, classic. lol!
SO good. I definitely find myself wishing my house was prettier or that my Instagram pictures looked more professional. But none of that should matter. I love my life and I should be happy it doesn't look perfect all the time. Thanks for sharing your heart on this!
This. This times a thousand.
One of the biggest things I've struggled with over this past year is that comparison trap. Bloggers really are obsessed with perfection, and it's really unfortunate. I want to present my real life, one that isn't always so sanitized or perfectly styled. Life is messy, but it should also be lived in. We're all with you on this one Aunie, and it's nice to know that someone we all look up to isn't so obsessed with the image either :) xoxo
Thanks Breeann! And yes, be so proud and happy about your non-perfect life. It gives us the stories to tell and memories that are all for the better... embrace it!
You're so awesome, Joelle. And thank you for sharing my post! And I love what you said... life is meant to be lived in. That's so perfect. What good is a new pair of shoes if they just sit on a shelf forever? That's what our homes/lives/relationships need to be like. The wrinklier/dirtier/less perfect, the better!
My home is definitely something that I will not compromise for looks. It honestly, truly kills me how so many bloggers feel the need to prove to the world that their homes are perfect. My home is lived in. I take care of my family here. It just seems to be...unfortunate when the very thing that you live in can't be comfortable and warm, you know? My little apartment is most definitely imperfect, and I wouldn't have it any other way!
I remember you sharing a photo of it once... was it on instagram? It WASN'T perfect, and I absolutely loved it. You didn't renovate to take a photo. You showed us your space, and to me... that was perfect :)
So true! I follow this mom that is a photographer that talks about how we all are different and we parent differently. Regardless of what I do at home, I'm still a good mom and I know my little boy loves me. I also know my house is not perfect there are many days it looks like a train crashed into it, but that's my life and I pick up every week. It just doesn't look like a feature on pinterest. And you Aunie are so right! It doesn't matter at the end of the day. My house looks lived in and comfy and soon when we leave this place and call a new location somewhere in the world home, that place will look the same as well.
So glad i stopped in to read this post. Very well said. xo
Oh gosh, I love this. I've been avoiding social media lately because it makes me feel...inadequate. That's sad. My home looks lived in and so do my clothes, most of the time. Thanks for being real and making it ok for the rest of us too!
Hah you are so right about ripping off those stylish clothes after an outfit post. Heels are kicked off, zippers get undone, and my hair goes up in a ponytail. I've been trying to be much more authentic lately in choosing outfits that really represent me and my style, even if that means forgoing the pretty heels and wearing comfy but not as flattering flats. There have been a few posts going on in the blogosphere lately about being aware that what we put online is only an edited version of our lives and this piece rings true to that too. Thanks for sharing Aunie!
the-lifestyle-project.com
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