A couple weeks ago, one of my readers shared a beautiful quote with me that her dad used to tell her when she was growing up:
"Sometimes we feel inadequate because we compare everyone else's highlight reel with our behind-the-scenes."
It really made me think, and to be honest, has really helped me out since she shared it with me. I'm not the only one who compares myself to others, am I? I have a little story to go along with this, and I'm hoping you see it as me being candid & opening up—not as me fishing for compliments. This has been on my heart and I feel like it's something I need to share and get off my chest.
I was at the gym the other day and saw a lady with the most perfect body. I mean, it was ideal. But that was just one little aspect that I saw of her—I have no idea what her background is, if she has a super-strict diet, how much time she spends in the gym, or if she's a happy person (though she did give me a super-big & friendly smile). Daniel saw me get a little frustrated as I looked at myself in the mirror. If I'm being honest—while I have things I'm still working on things and I've made so much improvement, I did find myself having negative thoughts about my own body. I'm sorry to admit that, but it happened. He gave me a reassuring hug and reminded me of how hard I've been working, and that just because I'm seeing something at face value doesn't mean that it's "perfect" or that I need to be envious of that. He was absolutely right.
So, why do I do that? Why are we so quick to want what others have? Through a lot of prayer, I've been asking for grace and uplifting thoughts when thinking about myself—because I've always been one to struggle with self esteem—though I don't like to admit it. I've also prayed for peace over things I can't control, and the strength to change the things I can.
When looking at my reflection, sure, I may not be perfect, but I have so much going for me. If you're feeling down or inadequate or just having a "why me" day—maybe try making a little list of all the things you appreciate about yourself. I think you'll find that there is so much beauty in your behind-the-scenes that you'll forget about the highlight reels of everyone else.
There is beauty behind-the-scenes. Behind my scenes, behind your scenes, and behind everyone's scenes—there is beauty to be found. I would love to hear—what do you love about yourself?
49 comments:
I love this post. I think as blogger and as people we get so caught up in comparing. Here's my comparing story: A good friend of mine got married really soon in her relationship, which I said was stupid. I said that because I was jealous. James and I are waiting for insurance. I am still on my dads and he doesn't want to mess with that. We understand and are waiting to get married. But it made me so jealous that she was able to jump in before me. I could go on but in the end I was comparing. I am so over comparing. I am now trying to focus that energy I used for comparing for improving. I am going to focus on improving James and I relationship to build a solid foundation for our forever.
I also when I have those "why me" day I remember "I have legs to walk. Arms to reach and hold. I have a tongue to talk and a full brain to form thoughts. " That usually helps me out. But sometimes talking to others helps too.
Thanks for sharing. I need it,
Cody
This is a VERY helpful post. Something I needed to be reminded of. Thank you!
I completely understand how you are feeling!! My husband and I have been married 2 years this summer and we have been trying to have a baby for a year and half now. With no successful pregnancy...I have felt such a wide array of emotions including jealousy and anger and resentment toward those who have babies or are walking around with adorable pregnant bellies. God has taught me so much in this past year and a half about myself. Things that I probably wouldn't have realized about myself had this heartache not come my way. My faith has been tested and a realization for a NEED for my Savior. I have seen/am seeing that things are NOT in my hands. It is not up to me! I gave my life to God and I want what HE wants for me! Who am I to demand otherwise?! I have developed this new appreciation and perspective toward being a mommy to the 6 year old son I DO have!! God has strengthened this bond between my husband and I, which I believe has been imperative to our marriage!! God has worked on my heart to make me a mommy that would make Him proud and I am so thankful! In the midst of these times where I am not "happy," God has brought me eye-opening joy and cleansing that only could come from Him! I have realized that it is not about what I want it to be, but what God has planned for me, which is all the better! :-)
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Much love to you, darling :-) You are looking fabulous and encouraging us all to better our lives. Praise God for the work He is doing in you :-)
I do find myself comparing myself to others, which I know I shouldn't do, but I can't help myself. This was a wonderful and inspiring post for me today. Thanks you!
Slowly watching my body decline because of a myriad of cancer drugs that makes exercise almost impossible along with a double mastectomy, I'm afraid to say that there is very little I can find to like about myself when I look in the mirror. Except perhaps my hair...since I missed it so desperately when it was absent. But what I have learned through it is that this body is just a temporary home, one that can never give me value. And it should not be used to determine my worth.
I remember one day I was struggling with deep feelings of insecurity as I headed to church, dreading having to get up in front of everyone. I prayed, "God, help me to see me the way that you see me." The most remarkable thing happened. I started seeing OTHERS the way God seems them. I remember being overwhelmed by the beauty of a girl who would never be considered beautiful by any of the world's standards. And as I continued to look around I was struck by how remarkably beautiful we are...not because of how we look but because of Christ in us.
I think we should strive to be excellent in all that we do, including taking care of our bodies. But it should never be where we get our worth.
My battle of comparison is with exercise. I am so envious of those who can exercise, and that little green monster often invades my thoughts and tries to destroy relationships. Our love for one another has to be greater, and we have to discipline ourselves to truly rejoice in other's victories - even when they are absent in our own lives.
That quote is WONDERFUL. Thank you for sharing, it's just what I need to hear right now :)
xo,Shay
I feel like this is a hot topic for a lot of folks lately... comparing... whether it be other bloggers, photographers (for me) or what not i realized i can't do that. i'm just as good as everyone else, just different. it's hard to do, but i know it's for the best.
xoxo
A-
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This was a beautiful post.
I have been on this Journey for a Healthy Lifestyle since my son has been 2... And, I am always having those kind of down thoughts.
I like your idea of making a list of attributes I appreciate about myself.
:) Really Enjoyed this post... so I just read it again.
Still love it.
www.katerivonstealsnewlife.blogspot.com
I love that quote- I have said that too. It's so true- which can be hard to remember when we have those moments of insecurity- But so, so true.
Some Snapshots Blog
Jess
I find that I constantly compare myself to others. It's about being happy and honestly looking like someone else wouldn't make you who you are or make you happy. I have to remind myself that my husband fell in love with me and that includes my appearance. This post was a great reminder!!!
PS you're beautiful!
I have a really hard time comparing myself to others.
This post was really beautiful and really made me think about the IMPORTANT things.
I just sent you an email. :)
I normally skip (or skip) reading others' comments, but I am so blessed by yours. I'm glad I stopped for a second. That is amazing what God did in that moment. I have had a similar thing happen to me a couple times, but not nearly as poignant as what you described. Thank you for sharing, Stephanie. I will pray for you!!
Loved this so much!! This has been on my mind a lot too as well. I struggle with this A.LOT. and it truly can be like a disease and take over. I'm happy you wrote this post and know a lot of people can relate!
And I wrote a post about the danger of comparing ourselves to others as well. Not to advertise or anything but just wanted to share it with you :) http://megancamille.blogspot.com/2013/01/my-disease.html
Thank you Gayle!
Love this.
Love that quote!
This is exactly what I needed to hear the day before I go to a blogging conference. Thank you for writing this post!
It's sooo easy to do that - I think it's programmed in our brains to compare. But you're right, it's nice to remind ourselves how much we have that others might be comparing as well. What do I love about myself? My boobs! :) hehehe
love this post and i have been there. the quote about the highlight reel is so important to remember.
ladies in navy
Wow! I seriously needed this post at exactly this moment. Thank you for sharing that quote and what's on your heart. What I love about myself - my big sexy brain :)
I'be been thinking about this a lot in the past few months, especially since I got engaged. I struggle to the extreme with how I view my looks, a lot of self-hate. Thank you for emphasizing what God is nudging me towards. <3
I really needed to hear your message. Thank you! I work with adults with disabilities and I have one lady I work with has a brain injury from playing football when she was 15. She is a wonderful example to me of loving herself. She has short term memory loss and requires 24/7 supervision. However, she can remember her life before her accident and what it was like to not have a disability. (She is now in her 40's) She is always expressing how grateful she is for what she has. She will say to me things like, "I am so glad I am not in a wheelchair like that man over there and that I can walk", or "I am so grateful that I can go to the bathroom without any help." She is someone who could be angry and bitter for everything she has lost, but she chooses to focus on what she does have and to not compare herself to how she used to be before her brain injury. She expresses daily how grateful she is for the health and mobility/body she has, even though she wouldn't meet the worlds standards for what good health and a nice body would be. She expresses gratitude for things that myself and most people take for granted. (such as being able to eat a meal without support) I hope I can someday be more like her and be happy with myself, and who I am. I am working on it......
I'm so glad you shared this quote. I popped over to your blog today and saw it, and I was thinking "I could have sworn I wrote that in a comment to her..." Lo and behold... haha. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing. You and your heart are beautiful. :)
Love that quote. It's hard to keep things in perspective when we are surrounded by social media and blogs that make everything seem peachy-keen and perfect. It's easy to feel bad if you aren't cooking perfect food, or living in a perfect house, or dating a perfect guy, but we need to step back and realize that those people aren't perfect either! Just because they only choose to share the good moments online doesn't mean that's their entire life. It doesn't make them bad people either, or disingenuous, just people that don't need to be envied because we just don't see the whole picture!
That's so true. Social media also helps fuel that too...we only see the highlights and people look happy and exciting! The reality is, so very few people are all that happy or all that exciting in real life. Thank you for sharing this and these thoughts!
Just today I was looking around my apartment saying how I wished it wasn't so messy etc and then I thought about what I had done this past week instead of cleaning...teaching kids to swim, spending time with my husband, getting some much needed sleep, and writing letters were absolutely more important than organizing a craft bin or putting shoes away.
What do I love about myself? My eyes. Their color and shape, and ability to see the world around me as it fits into a bigger picture and that they allow me to see the good in (almost) everything.
Great quote! I often think about that when blogging. That I only show the good things. But in my case, since the difficult parts of life involve my kids, it's a struggle to decide how much to share. I hope that people realize that it's only a glimpse into what my life is like.
What a stunning photo, Annelise!
I'm so happy to see this post. I think that too often people are too ashamed or proud, or focused on just competing, to admit to these things. But the truth is it affects so many people. This is something I'm constantly working on myself as well. The important thing is that you recognize it rather than letting it have the best of you!
http://sarahlibros.blogspot.co.uk
This is such a great post, Aunie. I kind of really don't like myself. Perhaps that is horrible to say but I'd rather be honest than pretend that I think I am all that. Because I don't. I personally do not find myself very attractive plus I find my personality and self as blah and awful. I almost feel like I don't have a personality. I'm just rather boring and pathetic and not very pretty. I know, I know. It isn't good. But that is how I feel. I want to add that I am not looking for pity or attention, I just wanted to be real for a moment and say what I feel. I like that you shared a really positive good post on this though. Comparing is something I do far too much when in reality it does nothing for me at all. I know that I have to try to see the positive and the good things about myself a little more but gosh is it hard. That quote is a great reminder. Thank you for sharing it and this post.
I do kind of like my booty though hahaha
Jennifer, thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! I have spoken with so many women who are frustrated about getting pregnant. You have such a refreshing and amazing outlook. I'm inspired by you. Thank YOU for all He is doing in you. It's wonderful to see Him work. You WILL be blessed!
Stephanie, thank you thank you thank you. I am so blessed to not only be your Sister, but to know you and have a relationship with you in real life. Seeing God work in you day in and day out is so wonderful. You are a TRUE symbol of healing by faith to so many of us. You inspire us and we are all lucky to know you and be loved by you. I think you are SO beautiful for who you are. Thank you for being such a light for Him.
She is wonderful, isn't she? She lives right down the street from me and goes to my chuch. What an amazing woman.
That's a wonderful way to look at it! We are all good at things... just different. Thanks for this perspective!
Kateri, thanks a bunch. I appreciate you!
Jeannette, you are so sweet. Thank you. I have to remind myself of the same things... especially in regards to my husband! I often see so many beautiful women at the gym and assume he must be looking at them... and then I see him look at me and give me his grin... and I know it's just for me. Thank you for reminding me of this beauty!
Thank you for your words, Megan. We often write about similar topics. I'm so glad we are both open about it!
Oh wow... no kidding! I think attending a blogging conference would be so scary for me! I bet it went wonderfully for you. Everyone loves you and your stories!
I love them about you too... ha!
the more brains the better, girlfriend! work 'em!
You are a magnificent woman, Katie! Love yourself :) just like your fiance does! :)
Oh wow, Lissy. This is a truly amazing story. Thank you for sharing it. It's so hard to think about pity-partying myself for not having a 6-pack when I read your words. We are SO blessed. I am SO blessed. Thank you for making me think and remind myself to be thankful!
And you are so wonderful for sharing it with me. Thank you for all your love and support. This quote helped a lot of people, Raeven. Thank you again for sharing yours and your dad's wisdom.
This is another good point! You're so right, Cindie!
That is truly something to love! Thank you for sharing this. True, we may have messy rooms and dirt on the floor... but look at what you're out there doing! It's wonderful..
Julie, I totally get this. I'm going to be the same way when children come into the picture. You have to be careful, selective, and protective!
Thank you bunches, Lot! My friend, Taylor, takes the most stunning photos... I was lucky to be the subject of this one!
Hi Katie. You are so honest. I love that about you. And you know what, just from your avatar, and your awesome booty comment below, I can already tell you that you're a beautiful girl, you have a super-fun personality... and you rock because you took a minute to comment on my blog... and then I stunk it up because I took a month to reply back to you! I hope you'll sit down for a moment and write out a little list of the things you like about yourself. And put your booty right at the top. Because that's something to be proud of. I bet you'll find so many things you like!
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