Photo: Taylor Love Studios
It's no secret we all doubt ourselves sometimes.
Whether it's taking a test, trying out for a sport, or giving a presentation at the office.
I'm about to take—in my opinion—one of the biggest tests of all.
Marriage.
I think everyone knows that I'm pretty darn excited to get married.
In fact, that's quite the understatement, but I don't have the words to tell you just how excited I am, you'd have to see it in the way I look at Daniel. There just aren't words.
But that doesn't mean I don't doubt myself.
I don't doubt the love I feel,
the fact that we're best friends,
that I want to spend the rest of my life with him,
that someday I want to be the best mom ever to our children,
and that he is the one for me.
But sometimes I worry... am I good enough?
I don't have any of the ingredients of a soon-to-be wife.
I don't cook. We know that.
I don't sew, or clean (though I'm really good at it), craft, decorate, or do anything that even closely resembles any of these good qualities.
In addition to all of those aspects, I don't always stack up in other areas, either.
I'm cranky. I'm critical. I am quick to get defensive. I try to pick fights. I get sad and cry on bad days.
Who would want that?
I know most of those things come with time. The cooking, the decorating, the learning it all...
... but right now... I keep going back to those words, "good enough."
And then, as I type this, I am reading back over my words and think about how ridiculous I'm being.
I am good enough. Not only that... but I am more than good enough.
So, why do I do this to myself? This circular thinking? Back & forth, back & forth.
Because I'm me. And I worry. And stew. And lament. And fret.
Ugh.
The moral of this written thought pattern,
which finally just became clear (literally as I'm writing this right now),
is don't worry about being good enough.
You are more than good enough.
Be you. The rest will follow.
17 comments:
Your posts -- EVERY SINGLE ONE of them are so heart-wrenching. They make me think! And all your pictures are so gorgeous too! :)
xo
You are going to be amazing - don't ever doubt yourself girl!
Why are we women wired to think so negatively about ourselves? I had a similar post last week about this same topic: my negative self-image, my need to belong and feel accepted (http://wp.me/p2448I-MR). And, just like you said, we are MORE than enough. If I were close, I'd give you a hug and assure you that you're not alone, you're more than enough, and you are loved.
Blessings and Happy Thanksgiving,
Nicole @ Three 31
Wow, our posts today are similar! I'm talking about the negative voices in my head telling me I'm not good enough too (though not the same reasons.)
I think you just have to go out there and be the best you can be because you are good enough. It's just sometimes hard to remember that because we are our own worst critics.
This is a huge decision. A huge change. A huge stepping stone. It is normal that you should worry-because change is scary. But don't let your fear or worry hold you back because you are living your life and doing the right thing for you! Good luck and congratulations!
All those things you wrote about yourself don't matter. He knows all those things about you, and he loves those things about you. That's why he asked you to be his wife. I'm certainly not typical wife material, but I'm John material. That's why he asked and I said yes. I'm not the woman I was on my wedding day. I've grown, learned, and can say I'm a better version of myself. The best part is there's always room to grow. He's a lucky man, and you're a lucky gal. Love like this is hard to come by.
Xoxo
Megan
The beauty of Daniel knowing all those things about you is that you are comfortable enough around him that you show him that side of you... and he loves you regardless. :)
Aunie, I felt the exact same way when I got married. I didn't cook, sew, craft, etc. I barely knew how to use a coffee maker or make a bed :) The fun of it is that you learn so much together. I've been married for 4 years, and I can sort of cook new. Can't sew, and can barely craft :) But I do know how to make coffee!
Daniel loves you for you :) You ARE good enough! Just take things one day at a time.
Sweetie, none of those things makes a good wife. A good wife is loving and supportive of her husband. She knows how to compromise. She realizes that sometimes marriage is hard but she takes it head on.
You're going to be great. I know it.
i was thinking of my comment as i was reading and getting ready to tell you that you are good enough and that everything will fall into place, but i see that you already know that. all women go through this, but we have been equipped with so many gifts for our families that we just don't realize it half of the time. 'be you and the rest will follow.' - loved that.
You're writing is so beautiful!
You're going to be a great wife! We are all sure of it! He's not marrying you for your cooking and crafting skills, he's marrying you for YOU.
"Be you and the rest will follow." Best thing I've heard all week.
Your thoughts echo my thoughts. You are more then good enough. You're perfectly you. Daniel's a lucky man!
I'm glad you posted this. Makes me feel more normal. And you're right.. it'll come with time.
I was just thinking about that today while plucking my eyebrows...lol...
I mean I get the whole looking nice and presentable thing, but some people take it to the extreme. and like that lady who is the fake barbie, you just can't be great enough without something. And for me that's Jesus. And so I realized.... It's making my eyebrows nice that's going to make me beautiful, it's being myself that's going to make me beautiful.
As far as being a wife & mom, I think you're going to be fabulous because you are already fabulous:)
XOXO
Of course you're good enough. You fell in love with each other for how you are, not what you may learn along the way. I'm glad that writing it down made you see this. Just remember in 9 (10 for you) days you're going to have one if the best days of your life, and all your jitters will make you smile when you think back on them.
Always make each other happy and that's all that matters.
I'm the same way. An hour ago I was thinking about whether I was good enough or not. And right after I texted that to my best friend, I realized how dumb I sounded!
You have to remember that your family and friends love you for exactly who you are, so of course you're always MORE than good enough for them! For anyone else who (for whatever reason) thinks you're not good enough, they can just get over it.
Hope you have a great Thanksgiving!
Aunie, thank you for this post. Your writing always gets right to my heart.
Have a happy Thanksgiving! And eep! Your wedding day is so soon! I'm beyond excited for you.
When I got married I didn't do any of those things either. I didn't cook, clean, sew, etc. But you never know where life will go.
I still don't sew but I do knit and crochet (after teaching myself how).
And I'm not a gardener, but yesterday I made the pumpkin pies for our Thanksgiving dinner from a pumpkin my husband grew in our garden (because he does like to work in the yard).
I didn't do any of those things either. I cook more and more, but we still like to eat out a lot. I'm more of the cook than he is. We both hate to clean. I still hate it, but I'm doing good about maintaining the house now (believe me, it took me years lol). I'm not saying it will take you that long, but I'm kind of lazy. I still don't know how to sew.
Like everyone else said, none of those things matter and make a person a wife. It's the person that you are on the inside that matters :)
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