Critical.

It's overcast and a little rainy in Boise today.
Instead of sunshine, it's a little dim.
The weather is matching my mood.

I've been told I'm a critical person.
In fact, I've heard this more than once.

I think it's because I've been through so much, and I always look for the best in any situation.
I also think it's because I've been hurt before... and in some way I'm protecting my heart.

Lately it seems my feelings are so vulnerable.
I seem to feel down for hardly any reason at all.
I get sad often, and cry often, too.

Yesterday, our service was about the topic encouragement.
I thought about this a lot yesterday.

I'm so grateful for each of you. You encourage me daily in your comments and emails.
My parents encourage me.
Daniel encourages me.

But sometimes... it isn't quite enough.
A little change in tone, distracted body language, and actions that don't follow their words say
so much more to me 
than words.

So, if I'm being critical,
maybe it's just because I'm noticing what's actually going on...
what's happening...
what's falling into place.

I guess the whole point of this post is going nowhere.
I think I just needed to take a couple moments to write,
to get it out.
It's Monday... I should be super peppy today... but instead I'm feeling so pensive.

This morning, I had a different post drafted... but I think it was, in fact, "too critical."
So today... I'm going to take a step back from my feelings.
I'm going to smell the roses and let the cards fall as they may.

Are you going through anything lately?
Something frustrating?
Something hard?
My only thoughts are that we all have that "something."
And today, I just vented that something all over this blog.
So... yeah. Today is just "one of those."

And with that...
I'm off to smell those pretty roses...
to take a moment...
to focus on my feelings...
to focus on myself...
to breathe.